Lately, I've been thinking about death. That sounds morbid and depressing, and it really is. I don't know what triggered these thoughts, but I do know that I have worried myself sick over thinking about the idea of dying.
Which is slightly ironic.
What terrifies me isn't the idea of an afterlife necessarily, because I do believe there is a God and an afterlife. But at the same time, the idea of not being here, living in the flesh on Earth with my family by my side freaks the hell out of me. I keep reminding myself that if there is truly a Heaven, then I will be with them there. But my mind loves to play tricks on me and I still get freaked out over the idea of death.
Then I thought, well maybe it's not dying that scares me, but the idea of dying right now, as a 19 year old college student, that scares me. There are so many things I haven't done, places I haven't been, experiences I haven't had yet. I don't want to die without visiting London, without finding my true love, without having a family of my own, and making a difference in student's lives. There's the old song that says only the good die young... but I'm not sure I really like that idea.
I just need to stop worrying and thinking about my eventual death, and instead focus all my energy on living. I still have a lot left to do, and I don't want to have an regrets when I meet Jesus at Heaven's gates.
And I'm sorry if I worried any of you with this slightly disturbing and depressing post... but I really needed to sort out my feelings and thoughts. If I didn't do this, I would probably need to admit myself into an insane asylum. Not really.